The Do Nothing Challenge

And one very important question

As we sift through the starlight of the final days of Spring, I’ve found myself floating between the realms of Material and Spirit.

A few days ago, Mercury in Gemini squared Saturn in Pisces which had me asking allllll the existential questions. 

As I headed out that day for a hike around a beautiful lake in our area, I heard Spirit’s voice whispering, ‘What do you want to experience before you die?’. 

Heady stuff for an average Wednesday, but that’s astrology for you…This was the perfect question on a day when Saturn in the very spiritual sign of Pisces comes to the boardroom table with Mercury in Gemini, the forever questioning sign of the zodiac. 

Mary Oliver also came to mind, of course, with her now iconic query,

‘What will you do with your one precious life?’.

Saturn in my natal chart is at 29* Pisces, which means I’ll be having my Saturn return this time next year. Saturn returns are pivotal structural moments in a person’s life asking us to look at our life path in a big way. Saturn is the ultimate course corrector. Once he goes into the sign of your natal Saturn, you can feel him working on you.

Our second Saturn return looks very different from the first one at 28/29/30 years old. Once you reach your second Saturn return at 58/59/60, Saturn’s asking you what you want the years leading up to 90 to look like. 

It’s a sobering moment.

Of course, we never know if we’ll even make it to 90, so time is of the essence in a way you don’t normally feel.

And no one ever knows which day will be their last, so this should be a question we ALL ask ourselves, no matter what our age. But just in case you don’t, we have Saturn to constantly remind us that time is of the essence.

What do you want to experience before you die?

The day after the square I had nothing on my calendar, an entire day to just be with this question. 

At first, I busied myself with nonsense stuff. I tried out a new self tanner to hilarious results. I’m 100% British Isles/Irish/Northern European. I have NO business thinking I will ever be tan. Orange and patchy doesn’t even begin to describe my results. :/

So, I decided to stay in my house all day so no one would see the mess I made, but also, I challenged myself to sit and do NOTHING but think about this question. 

FOR THE ENTIRE DAY.

For a person with a Moon in the 6th house, this is like kryptonite.

I started to feel trapped pretty quickly, a manic feeling washed over me. I’m normally so good at being quiet and alone for hours, as long as my mind is engaged in a project. 

Doing nothing with that question hanging over my head was Squirm City.

So I began breathing. 

Occasionally, I reached for a distraction (Apple TV anyone???), but then I’d bring myself back. 

Don’t check out, Kimberly. Stay with it.

Eventually, the uncomfortableness subsided. (It took hours.) I wandered from room to room thinking that sitting with a different view would help. Multiple times I went out and sat in the garden.

Throughout the day, it was interesting the things that came into my mind as I pondered ‘the question’. Programming around what I ‘should’ do with my time came in over and over, and also, programming about what other people think a person should do with this time of their life, societal norms about what older people are ‘good for’, to which I consistently said F that.

At the end of the day, I fell into bed exhausted from an entire day of being with myself and my own thoughts. I slept long and hard for the first time in weeks.

And, I had unearthed some golden nuggets about what I don’t want to experience the rest of my life.

The next morning, as I sat in my garden meditation spot, I noticed a spaciousness in my head I hadn’t felt before. I basked in the luxuriousness of it for quite awhile until, out of nowhere, ideas started to come in. Ideas about what I want to experience today, tomorrow, for weeks and maybe even months… 

short term ideas and long term ideas.

Ideas that I had had before but squashed down, seemed truly possible and even <gasp> enjoyable, now that there was no expectation on the idea other than that I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE IT.

So, my friends, the moral of this story is: when Saturn comes knocking, make some room for him in your life. 

Don’t turn away from the impossible questions. You know the ones…those expansive, unruly, uncomfortable questions that you usually knee-jerk away from.

They’re your Soul asking you for a check-in.

I hope you’ll make room for them in a way you never have before.

I promise, you won’t be sorry you took the time.

Big love,

Kimberly