BLOOMING

How does one do it?

I always feel as if I’m about ready to bloom but never quite get there. It’s a feeling of potential glory that hovers under the surface of my everyday awareness, taunting me to find a path to it. It hasn’t diminished as I’ve gotten older, in fact, it’s gotten stronger and more insistent. 

I imagine this blooming would feel exactly as it sounds, like a flower opening up her bud for the first time, unapologetically glorious and unashamed. Spread open and vulnerable, and yet, also so radiant that no one would dare to interfere.

If this blooming happened because someone else loved me unconditionally, then I would have already done it. I have the unwavering love of a steadfast partner, by my side for 35 years. No, this isn’t a prerequisite.

I’m sure the act of blooming contains a bit of magic. I see sparkling light and hear a quiet, gorgeous symphony of music playing in the background whenever the idea comes to me. Almost like the background music in a movie when the epochal moment is reached.

Alas, blooming does feel elusive, like it’s only meant for the gorgeous ones who inhabit make believe worlds on large screens. And I’m certainly not that.

So how does one do it? Is it even possible for me? I feel deeply that I can because why else would it haunt me?

My initial gut instinct is that it starts with unbounded joy, the optimal word here being unbounded -‘having or appearing to have no limits’. 

I know not a single person that displays that trait. No one has given examples of how to do this, no mentors, no earthly guides. My heavenly guides all talk about it as if it were a no-brainer, easy peasy. I tell them they’re all show offs. It seems they want me to become an earthly guide, the mentor. Yes, I would love that, but how?  I do want to bloom, I do.

The second thing I imagine is that of becoming completely unapologetic for being. Understanding that despite any mishaps or mistakes, I have an inherent right to be here as my whole self. That’s a huge mountain of acceptance, right there. I breathe a sigh of relief just typing those words.

Thirdly, and most importantly, it feels as if consummate creativity is required. A willingness to ‘become’ the flow of creation. In the flow, there’s no resistance, only loving output. An experience of oneness with all that is, knowing that the entire Universe is working in concert with me to bring forth the bloom. Knowing I have that much support. Again this thought brings relief. And also, what’s that?, niggling joy?

Perhaps I do know how to bloom?

Perhaps blooming is a REMEMBERING that one taps into with intention and presence. 

Being unafraid and brazen like the flower. Allowing rather than forcing. 

Perhaps blooming simply requires me to get out of my own way.